Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
