is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
