Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
