Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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