man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
