What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
