well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
