guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He kissed a someone with a penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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