Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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