pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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