sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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