need another drink. this is the easiest way
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
