You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
