I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
