How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
