The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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