i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
