Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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