so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
