you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
