Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize