If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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