Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
