dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
