she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
