Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
