Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
