There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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