Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
