some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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