you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
