they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize