we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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