Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
