I haven't been this sober since birth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
