I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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