if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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