this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
