I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize