i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize