so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
