dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
