Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
