Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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