just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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