btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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