Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
