i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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