Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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