im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well you can't waste a boner
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
