There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
