I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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