I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
where does the pee come out of this thing
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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