i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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