dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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