chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
