I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
