Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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