You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
