NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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