On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
