Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
