Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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