uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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