i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
