I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
