I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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