Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize