Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
