38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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