I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think my fart just growled at me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
