why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
