I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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