sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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