when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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