if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
