It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
