don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
