break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
