my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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